100 Days

I actually meant to post this 2 days ago when I hit my 100 days, but alas, I got busy and it slipped my mind.

As of 1/11/17, I’ve been 100 days without nicotine of any kind.  My journey started 

with self reflection.  I had quit for well over a year before, and allowed one night of work to steal all of my hard work from me.

To take you back, I started using chewing tobacco around the age of 15.  By the time I was 16 I was a full blown addict.  Yes, I said addict.   Nicotine is a drug, an addictive substance.  No, it’s not heroine, crack, or any other substances that you think of when you hear the word drug, but it is a drug nonetheless.

By 17, I could illegally purchase my own chew.  I learned if I looked the part, and came in with an air of confidence, like I’d bought it everyday for the last 6 months, no one would question anything.

By 18, I was chewing a can a day, and I kept this up for nearly 5 years. At 23, I decided to quit the first time.   I quit in January, and during my searches, I found my quit savior… Kill The Can.   This was a place of wonderment for me.  It had resources for quitting chew, what to expect while quitting, fake chews/snuffs.  Literally a one stop shop for anything you needed to quit.

I went through KTC’s program.  I posted roll (almost) everyday.  I made some friends in my quit group, and eventually, I made it to the Hall of Fame goal.  100 days.

From there, I fell off of the site almost instantly. I had done it, I beat tobacco and nicotine!  Until about a year and a half later, when I got a call to go to work at 3AM.  Angry, tired, and bitter, I went with a co-worker who chewed to a customer an hour away.   I couldn’t help it, I thought “having one to keep me awake isn’t going to hurt anything.” So I took my first chew in over a year, two days later, I bought my first can in over a year, and by the end of the next week, I was chewing a full can a day again.

For a great while it didn’t bother me at all that I had caved and lost my battle with addiction, because I didn’t see it as an addiction; I saw it as most people do, a habit.

Years chugged along at a can a day (5 to be exact) and I found myself wanting to quit.   I had been on a year long journey to better myself physically and emotionally.  Nicotine was my next target.   I got the courage up to get back to KTC (their tough love knows no bounds,) and I posted up in the January 2017 quit group.  Day 1.

Now I’m here, 101 days later, still an addict, but not a slave.  I will forever be an addict, I will forever have to deal with random cravings that pop up out of nowhere that I will have to fight off.  I will have to deal with the 30% of my co-workers that all chew opening their cans around me without ever even thinking that I can smell it.   Something I’ve learned in the last year, I’m better than those demons, and something I’ve learned in the last 102 days, I’ve got a great group of people behind me, and the support of an entire website of awesome people.